Prioritizing Self: Jen Rulon's Inspirational Story of Setting Boundaries

0:00Welcome back to the 2% Solution Podcast. As I said in the introduction, the amazing guest today is a wonderful friend of mine, jen Rulon, and I'm super excited to have her here. Hello, jen. Hello Di, Thanks for having me Finally. Oh my gosh, Tell me about it. I didn't want to share too much in the intro, but obviously I relate to people that not only are you a phenomenal coach, an accomplished triathlete, an Ironman athlete at that 15 Ironmans under your belt, a couple 10 Talks under your belt, a couple books under your belt.

0:32It's like what has this girl done? And well, to be fair, based on the nature of this conversation today, I thought what better way to open it up but talk about something that's alive and real for you right now? Because where am I calling you from? Or, what's right, as you say, where are you calling in from today? I'm calling you from Costa Rica, yeah. Rub it in and hear like the roosters in the back the beach in the waves.

0:58Yes, I love it. Motorcycles, you know motorcycles, roosters, yeah, Pettos, many dogs yes. Well, it's a huge leap and I know this has been a big transition that you've leaned into fully the last couple of years and, more importantly, the last 12 months really is. You've made that complete shift and you know we're all about the 2% sort of moments in our lives, those moments where we could have gone left or right. You clearly went a direction that I know is both logical but, more importantly, heart driven, and I wondered, you know, can you just talk about what led you to that and how has it impacted your life, to the state you know, Like, just go sure, Because I think it's.

1:36I mean, it's amazing and I'm so proud of you and I just love seeing all your photos too. So it's great, right, right. I mean, my very first initial thought like that 2% is that if I didn't do it now, when was I going to do it? Right? And so I went through a major life change. I went through a divorce and I retired from the sport of Iron Man's and Traflons in 2019. And I started learning about Costa Rica and just realized that in 2020, I realized when I was at Iron man Florida watching my ex do a race.

2:19I realized when I was sitting on the beach that the beach is a non-negotiable for me as I started getting older, and water has always been a non-negotiable for me From the very beginnings of growing up, to my job working at SeaWorld, to being in the Iron man world like of doing 15 Iron Man's. All of a sudden, in 2019, I cut it all off. I wasn't around water at all because I wasn't swimming, even in the pool at that time.

2:51So after I realized that, when we were going through the divorce, I was like, all right, I'm going to move down to Costa Rica, don't have kids. So that was very helpful. I just when you share some of those videos and your reels for those that are listening or watching this right now. You've got to connect with Gem, especially on Instagram. It's inspiring every day. It's just awesome. I mean, I miss living in Bali, but I get my little fixes when I look at Israel, so it's beach workouts and you're really getting great at surfing.

3:27Now some of those drone shots were just, oh my goodness, I was like I have to do a post today and it's hard because Instagram and reels and the horizontal is just a weird concept, so I had to go figure out something to do to put a whole bunch of things in. Anyways, long story short, I should use my theme song Don't Stop Me Now by Queen. But the other theme song that I use have used this freedom by George and Michael.

4:00Oh, great songs. Both of those are just epic. Right, epic they are. They're just, they're like, guaranteed to get you grooving. I don't know if you could listen to those two songs and not at least start bobbing your head and tapping your feet, you know, like I, just I think you'd be dead, right. I know my grandparents, which were death mutes, you know. I know they would at least hear the bass and they would definitely be grooving to it too.

4:23You know. So we used to play music classical really loud, because, you know, especially had a good acoustic line. My grandparents could, would hold with their hands on the speakers, right, so they could still experience. Yeah, yeah, it's really interesting and that's a whole another episode in itself. But right up with depth, grandparents was quite the experience, you know. But I'm curious, you know. So the theme song Don't, don't, don't Stop Me Now by Queen obviously is your anthem, you know, because you are unstoppable with energy.

4:52I just, I swear, it's just like go, go, go. I've met my match, you know it's. Right, well, and we're not doing video, but it's all about the coffee, right? We've already talked about that. Yes, but you know, what I want to know is don't stop me now. How does that relate to your coaching and mentorship that you offer? Because I think there's some underpinnings there, you know, especially with your energy and how you approach that.

5:13So can you just talk about that, because I know that you've navigated a lot of changes yourself, a mass amount of changes and Mass I mean change isn't easy, right, but it's often worth it. But I know there's that positive energy, because where our attention goes, our energy flows Exactly. And you've been doing intentional last few years with that. So just just walk us through how this has impacted sort of your practice with supporting others but more importantly how you've supported yourself with it.

5:40Yeah, I think as a child, I've always had that energy of like this is what I'm going to do and I do it. This is what I'm going to do and I do it. And I think people have been floored that I've been able to accomplish these goals. But I don't, I don't think about it, I just live my life, I do what I need to do and just knowing that I'm going to get there, it's going to happen, right. But I think the energy that I've gotten, especially recently, over the last two and a half three years, is because I'm finally figuring out who I am.

6:22I stopped wearing the mask, I stopped, stopped drinking. We talked, we've talked about this I stopped. I'd spent four years that I've stopped drinking and I felt like I was. I know right. I mean, we both know this Like you're right, we have, we are, we're probably like brothers and sisters from a different mother, right? Like seriously 100%, no 100%. Right, but I feel like there's just so much goodness in life that, yeah, I went through a shitty ass time during the divorce and the separation.

7:07That was hard as all get out. I remember falling asleep with a pillow over my eyes, crying my eyes out, not knowing what was going on, what was happening, but every day I went to bed. I went to bed with gratitude. Every morning I woke up, I went with gratitude and I knew that if I just kept going with gratitude and really remembering who I am as a person, I knew that I could not be stoppable. And it's true I've seen it in action.

7:42But I also know because I think you've just sort of hinted at this and I'd love to get your thoughts on this as it relates to you. But also I know this is something that you've spoken to in some of your books, podcasts, I mean. I just know it's a topic that you've spoken to and it's around boundary setting. You know, because I know that to really guard our physical health, our well-being, our mental health, boundary studying is the critical exercise and something that we really ought to be more comfortable with.

8:10But I know it's not always easy and I was wondering if you could talk about that, like, how did boundary setting come into play? And also, more importantly, for everybody that's listening, me included, how does one start to exercise boundaries? You know and really honor those. So just maybe just share a bit of your story around boundary setting, especially over the last five years. That was a critical part of your shifting away from your old life to now leaning into Yen's life, right and the unstoppable version of you.

8:38So, take it away. Take it away. Oh, you know, gosh, there are so many things that I wish I could do, I could have done differently, like in my marriage and in my relationships. But now what I hope, what I've learned, is that I get to go forward with what the knowledge that I learned, that I learned from back then and it's not just, you know, the relationship with my ex-husband, but it's also the relationship with my family Like my family had.

9:11No, they did not understand of why I was moving to Costa Rica and I'm like, well, you're not going to understand, like I could sit there and try to talk till I'm blue in the face and you're not going to understand my reasons of coming down. You're going to have every type of judgment, every type of idea, and that's okay. I don't expect you to. And when I started recognizing that I knew what I wanted, I knew what I felt in my heart, that, no matter what people said on what I should and shouldn't do, I just walked away and moved on.

9:48I didn't even try to fight with them. I didn't try to what does that respond or react right? And I just got to a point where I was like, no, this is what I'm doing. You can like it and support me, or you can just walk out that door. That's not my problem anymore. But so, with the whole boundary things, this I mean hi, my name is Jen. I am a recovering people, pleaser, you know, oh man. Oh, I'm sorry to laugh, but I laugh because it's close to home for me too, you know.

10:24Oh, my goodness, I get it. Right, and so I always, like I didn't want to hurt people's feelings, I didn't want to do this, I didn't want to do that, so I would just sort of keep my mouth shut. But then, all of a sudden, I started recognizing, like that's not me, that's not who I am. Why am I hiding behind an alcoholic drink or behind a mask? Like, no, like I'm going to share my thoughts and my visions of what I see and the potential in you, and maybe you don't like that, but that's you know, that's not my problem.

10:59Like, I remember having, like you know, having tough conversations with even my mom. Like you know, my mom, like my mom, just didn't like some of the things I was posting on Instagram. And I go guess what, mom. You have a choice to watch it or not, I'd like to do a shot today? Oh God, she probably hasn't. You know, she probably won't talk to me for a couple of weeks, you know, because I got to say Jen, Like Jen. Good job.

11:23Good job For those that don't know. Jen is a wonderful fitness coach. We haven't even got to the fitness part of the conversation yet, but her picture came up my feet and I was like whoa that Jen, Holy smokes. She's been working those legs. But good for you, though I know that that's been an area that you've wanted to develop more, and hello. Hello, she's, she's there, the you know, down in Costa Rica we eat a lot of beans and rice.

11:47So, if you know, the baby got back song, red beans and rice have not missed me, yeah. But so going back to the boundaries, like I, just I'm getting to a point where I don't I'm not worrying about how they respond anymore. I'm sharing my truth and honestly, y'all that is so hard, that's probably one of the hardest things, but in the long run, that's the best thing for relationships or friendships or whatever. And you know, for for many years, like, if, if you're in a relationship and you don't share your, if you don't share what's on your mind, or if you don't have these boundaries in a relationship, whether it's a friendship, whether that's whatever, one day you're just going to bloody explode and you're going to be so mad at that person that you've lost a friendship.

12:45I, you know it. Just I don't moving forward. I don't. I have to share my truth and if, if people don't like my truth, then they're just going to walk away and and not enjoy it and and not be a part of my part of my world. I like that and I know it's sometimes easier to say it than it is to actually execute on it. And I was wondering, you know, how have you found that with family members? So, because I know that's where we all struggle the most.

13:10Right, it's like friends are friends, you know, and I find most of the time friends, if they're true friends, they, they get it because they have their own boundaries too, right, like they get it. And also, I find it sometimes a little easier to talk to them because you don't have the same level of comfort like you do with family members, right and right, but because of that level of family members, like I know, my kids get the worst version of me sometimes, but it's so comfortable with each other, right, and those people that we have that absolute comfort with.

13:36It's amazing how we can be not only vulnerable but we can express some of those ugly emotions too really easily, you know, and anger, rage, yeah. I mean, just think back to some of the ways that I used to act, especially with alcohol, you know. Um, anyways, I just I'd love you to hear your thoughts on that. You know, it was an aha moment for me when I was talking to my mom. I was on the Caribbean side of Costa Rica, I was traveling and just sort of running around and we were having this conversation, and it was just I was having a quick conversation and I made a comment to her and I said, hey, just remember to do this, or whenever, Um.

14:16And then she's like well, don't forget to do this. Like she like sort of threw it back at me and I'm like okay. Tiff or tat right. So I hang up the phone and I just started bloody laughing and I texture, I go Mom, I love you, but you do realize how much alike we are. And I think when I recognize that with my mom, I one, I I've given her a little bit more grace, you know, because I know what is going on in her head and her brain sometimes, because I'm very similar to her.

14:50But I also will tell her exactly how I'm thinking and how I'm feeling. She may not like it, but it's, it's sort of what I do. Now to my brother. I get really into, I will admit, I get intimidated by my brother because he's a, you know, he's two years older. He's very protective of his family. He's very protective of his, his little sister, his little sisters in Costa Rica. Like what the heck why? You know you're running away from life, blah, blah, blah.

15:21And I'm like, oh, you're not going to get it when I explain, I'm running back to who I was originally, you know, like he just doesn't get that piece of the world, you know. And so I have to, I have to let him vent and do his things. And I'm like, well, chris, I don't agree with you on that, but and he goes you're right, you're going to do what you want to do. I go exactly. And he knows that. you know, you know good good, big brother, though you know I.

15:48I appreciate that you know siblings, but also the fact that you guys can talk openly about it. I know you did share with me this, this I know you were just back recently because your mother was dealing with some some a health issue, right, and was it? Was it a hip again, I forget what it was she fell. She fell and broke her hip. Yeah, oh sure, but she's got a full recovery, which is fantastic, and I also know you had luxury, and I say a luxury, but it's actually just your life, the life of a person.

16:13It's actually just your life, the way it's set up. I remember, you know, when our family was traveling nomadically, that that was a big part for us was we were able to come back and spend six months that end the life with my dad. Had we not been that nomadic lifestyle, we wouldn't have had that opportunity. You know, and and so I know that sometimes we're not even aware of these opportunities until we're presented with them much later on.

16:35You know and but I just think it's wonderful that you had that time to be with her and to help her through that time. You know that's awesome. Yeah, I mean, and not only was because it was interesting, because August I was feeling really homesick, I was missing my friends, I was missing my family and so I booked a flight to go up to Detroit and you know, I was supposed to be there for 10 days and I was there for two months and it was the most beautiful two months that I needed.

17:04I I mean, I got to see my, my niece go to the homecoming with her boyfriend like two homecomings because they were in different towns. I got to go to Detroit Lions games. I got to spend time with my sister-in-law. It was those moments that you cannot pet Like oh yeah, it was, it's been. You know, I would go and help my brother, like spot when he was doing football announcing at the high school team. You know, high school team, and we're sitting there having popcorn and I was having coffee, of course, you know I mean it was cold, it was Michigan.

17:40I was like I had a right. I was like sister-in-law. Can I borrow a jacket please, cause it's chilly, you know. Yeah. Yeah, but anyway. So I'm sorry, you're not acclimatized anymore, right? It's uh right, right, take the girl out of Rock City, but you can't take the Rock City out of the girl Exactly, I don't know. It's so good yeah. So anyway I. I, I, I you were missing if I didn't bring up, because I I not just skirt this, but I know this also ties into your TED themes, especially your TED talks that you've done, and there's some really powerful themes in those and I I'd love for you to share a little bit about those because I think that's this also sort of stems into your books that you've published and just I know there's just this wonderful connectivity of messaging and themes throughout all your content, especially since you transitioned away from, you know, iron man, uh, not only as an athlete but more importantly also supporting a lot of athletes in that space Like cause, I know you've been segwaying more into the life coaching and lifestyle mentorship.

18:39So do you mind just talking a bit about the TED talks? Cause there's there's also one with a very powerful story there around your dad, which I think I'd be remiss if you didn't have an opportunity to share that today. Yeah, so, um, first of all, writing a TED talk, giving a TED talk or TEDx talk and I know you know, die, it was probably one of the best therapeutic sessions I've done for myself around this topic, because I couldn't understand why I was um, why I was like, why did you go from hating running to doing an Iron man, like where did that come from?

19:17And a lot of it stemmed from trying to get my dad's attention and my brother and my dad had this intangible relationship through sports. I mean, you're in the Midwest, right, so it's basketball, baseball, hockey, football and football was like the end. I mean, it was the high, high thing. So my dad and my brother had this great relationship. I mean, my brother was the quarterback of the football team. I mean, gosh, darn it, my brother works for the Detroit Lions right now.

19:50You know, like he's the in-stadium announcer, like he is your all-American dude. You know, wow, and I always give him crap about that. He's like whatever, jen you know, but so my dad and him had this great relationship. So when I would try to talk to my dad about cheerleading or softball, we just he didn't understand it because he connected with my brother. So then I thought to myself, oh well, if I do so. It was the 1989, I was watching the Ironman World Championship on the ABC Wild World of Sports.

20:20If you're around my age group you'll remember the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. And you see the tumble going down anyways. But I was watching the Ironman and it was a. You know, it was the Ironman World Championship in Hawaii. Mark Allen crossed the finish line that day and then an hour later, paul and Ubi Frazier crossed the finish line and I thought to myself, well, if she can do this, I can do that. Like I mean it literally, like that was my attitude.

20:49And then when I told my mom and my grandpa who was very much a very strong father figure for me, so that would be another why I was like I'm doing the Ironman World Championship by the time I'm 30. And they were, and my grandpa was like okay, when you go, I'll be a sponsor. And I literally have a letter from my grandpa saying when you go, I will sponsor you. What, that's amazing. Yeah, I, it's, crazy. Yeah. So there was a couple of why's.

21:19So here I already got my grandpa's attention, but why wasn't I getting my dad's? Why wasn't my dad like connecting with me and all that stuff? But the very to wrap it up, the very cool thing is when I crossed that finish line to my very first Ironman, which was not the Ironman World Championship, but I realized I didn't need my dad's validation anymore because I validated myself as an athlete and a champion. And you know, my dad might have seen, seen, you know all the football players and my brother as champions.

21:58But I know, and my dad has passed as well, it's been almost gosh, it's been 15 years. But like I just knew that he was like, yeah, that's my girl, she's, she's an athlete just like everybody else. Yeah, but, but I didn't, but I didn't. But the great thing was is like I'm like I'm good, I didn't need dad's validation, validation anymore because I did it within myself and that was a beautiful, beautiful thing. So yeah, that's I love it, and I know that you're a big proponent for people understanding those internal motivations, right?

22:38Those why reasons which is hard to talk about because it's very emotional, right? And I think that's why a lot of people struggle with articulating why they do certain things or why they believe certain things, because there's it's not just a logic component, right? So I'm just like my thinking brain, it's my feeling brain too, and heart, and it's harder to regulate emotions than it is ideas, you know, and I think you know, talking a little bit about sort of like we, you said I have this ongoing theme, but the theme, the other theme that I have is with my grandfather, and my grandfather passed away in 2021.

23:15It was May of 2021. So he didn't see 9-11 and all that stuff. And I remember I was getting ready for the World Duathlon Championship in the Netherlands and I remember I was out there biking and I was like what am I doing? Why am I doing this? Like my grandpa's not here, what you know? And I literally was cresting a hill in San Antonio, texas, and all of a sudden, a swarm of all these yellow butterflies come flying around me and I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what just happened?

23:50And right then, and there I was, like my grandpa's with me. No matter what I do, where I go, what do I accomplish? My grandfather's with me. And I mean I wear this butterfly necklace all the time. Like, I'm going to get emotional on y'all, but like, and my grandpa has been with me in places I would never, ever expect and never think about. And so what I've realized is that I have metamorphosized into many different beautiful butterflies Throughout my whole life and for me, change is easy when I get on the other side.

24:33I'm just like everybody else. It's hard, change could be hard, but if you know what could potentially happen on the other side, it's beautiful. So true and so well said too. And don't worry, there'll be links to the TEDx talk so you can see Jen rock in the stage. You also, you know, I'd love to sort of segue this into your books because I know those themes have carried on, you know, and do you mind speaking to? I guess it's just as they say in TED talks there's a through line right which is this sort of continuous, that sort of unifies the whole talk, and I know with your books it's similar to that.

25:18I think you can just speak to those just a little bit, because I think there's some powerful messages and, more importantly, strategies that you share and because this also sort of goes back to the gratitude piece. I know that is a huge exercise and I think that's the exercise I love for you to speak to as well, because before today, share an exercise of people that are listening or watching this can try on their own for a week to 10 days, because, again, that will be in the community section.

25:43Community is going live. If you're listening to this, it probably will be live, and we'll have that one in the podcast section for people to utilize, which has all your details on it as well, jen, but it's maybe a segue from the book into the gratitude exercise. Right, sure, so I am. I was asked to write, so I self-published two books and then, in 2020, yeah, 2020, of course, because I wasn't coaching really anybody triathletes I was asked to write a book and it was Self-Motivation Strategies for Women, which you can find on Amazon, and I remember that's when my ex and I were going through some of the hardest freaking times of our lives.

26:36We were going to counseling, we were doing all these things, and so when that book came out in March of 2021, I flipped out because I had that whole imposter syndrome, syndrome issues. I was like, well, why would anybody read my book? I was going through some of the hardest times in my life. But now, almost two years later, in March of 2024, all of a sudden, oh God, it would be three years. Oh my God. It made me realize that I literally was writing that book for myself, even though I had a publisher helping me.

27:18I was finding things that I utilized during some of the hardest times of my life, and so the one biggest I remember, in 2020, before life, happened for all of us I went to Salt Lake City and I was around this mastermind group and I was their social media manager type of thing, and they sent me up there. I was doing all their social media and the biggest theme I heard from all of these very well-known wealthy entrepreneurs is that gratitude, gratitude, gratitude.

27:56I mean it was like constantly in my head. So then, all of a sudden, when March came around, when April came around, when all of this started happening, I would go to bed every night and say three thank yous. My first thank you was for my past and I would say thank you, thank you, god for, or universe, whatever your beliefs are. Thank you for the past that you've given me. Thank you for the lessons that I've learned, the wins that you've provided for me.

28:29Thank you for showing me who I can become. And my second thank you was thank you for the now. Thank you for this opportunity that I'm sitting on the 2% solution with Die Men. Well, thank you for the roof over my head as I'm sweating my ass off. Thank you for the now. So if I was laying on the bed crying my eyes out, I would say thank you for allowing my tears to flow. I just didn't know what else to say. I didn't know what else to do.

29:05And then my third thank you was thank you for my future, and thank you for what you're going to provide for me. Thank you for what you have in store for me. I have no idea what's going to happen, no clue but I know that I can trust the universe in what you are providing for me, and so, when I started living with gratitude and abundance, things started flowing so beautifully. You know what. You've just inspired a question and I know this sort of relates back to a question I've asked you before in sort of that application process, right To ask you a couple screener questions and whatnot, and I've also had this conversation with a couple other passcats, so this idea of having a 2% solution type of conversation with somebody and you talked about having that conversation with Grandpa Gaskin, and I'm curious, though what would you ask him and what do you think he'd say about your life adventures today?

30:19Oh, I think Grandpa would take my hand, take both of my hands. Look me straight in the eyes. Tears welled up but they wouldn't drop because Grandpa was a very proud Lieutenant Colonel in the Army, world War II vet, purple Heart man. His heart was as gold as anyone could get. Take my hands and say, jenny, we did it so and it would be that we did the Iron man together. It would be that I moved to Costa Rica. The great thing about Grandpa is that he wouldn't ask the questions.

31:17I feel he would just say good for you. That's nice having champions like that in your life, you know, but also just the lessons that he's imparted in you, you know, because I know you're again carrying on his legacy and doing this very much for other people now too, you know, I know that's a big way that you support your clients especially. And I think there's also some some truth to this, as we're sort of getting to court towards the end right now, and I know this is just part one of what will be future many conversations.

31:53But I'm curious, you know, because I always like to find out what is the book that's really made the biggest 2% shift for some people? And you reference actually one of my favorite books, the Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, and just an amazing, amazing book. In fact, it was the book I gave Kristi on our first date. You know some people bring flowers and they talk about the you know, cliche chocolate. I brought her a copy of the Alchemist because it was one of my favorite books too.

32:19That's amazing. Yeah, and so you know, 23 years later and we still. It's funny. I just was in a used bookstore the other day and I was going through the used books and I saw a copy of the Alchemist. It was like two bucks and I was like every time I see it used, I buy it because I just give it away, just constantly regifting that book. I want to ask you like why, why the Alchemist, and how has it made an impact? Or what has it taught you, what lessons?

32:42Because I know my audience, my listeners, my community, they do recognize that a constant deposit of knowledge and wisdom and inspiring words and stories are important to our own development as well. And so I'd love to hear how it impacted you. I remember reading it the first time and I thought to myself what the heck is this? I could not wrap my head around it, like it. Just it was sort of like woo-woo out there, like I couldn't figure it out.

33:14And then when I did, you know, I did four Iron Man's, took an eight year sabbatical. Then I came back to doing Iron Man's All of a sudden it was like I pulled it out again. And one of my favorite quotes is oh gosh, I'm going to brain fart on it. Something about if the universe will conspire with you to achieving your dream, something like that. I can't remember that and I remember that I'm like wait a minute. I said when I was 17 years old that I was going to do the Iron man World Championship.

33:55That's going to happen. It took me 28 years to accomplish that. I was in the Iron man or the triathlon space for 30 years like fully as an athlete. Yeah, I mean, I dreamt about it, I thought about it, but the universe knew what I wanted. And the universe is like hold tight, we'll make it happen for you, but you just got to trust us. Going back to that, third, thank you about not sure what my future looks like Because I did an Iron man.

34:34I did my first Iron man and then I did my second Iron man. I was actually 90 seconds off from going to Hawaii after my second Iron man Wow. Impressive. But the crazy thing is is that I wouldn't have the story, the hero story that I have now that I was living my life. I think it's at night in Dale. He talks about if you have a dream, just keep living your life. The dream's going to happen, but just keep rolling with it.

35:13You're still going to live. You're not going to sit there and be like, oh, my dream's not coming true and you sit on the couch and eat bonbons. It was that whole knowing that the universe was conspiring to help me find my path and my purpose, and it's doing it to this day. Sometimes I don't know what my path and purpose is, but I'm figuring that out. Yeah, you are, and it's awesome because I also love that you share what you're working through your social